Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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