saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
