I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
