There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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