This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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