The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
