Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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