I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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