If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
