If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
