And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
