she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The best revenge is premature balding
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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