The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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