me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
