My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
