She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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