I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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