I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
