theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
