also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
