I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
