What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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