Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
