I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
