just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
