I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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