just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
