I am full of burrito and curiosity
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
