What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
