He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
