Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
