Only a mothe r could love this liver
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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