For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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