I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
