running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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