dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
