Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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