Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
