I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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