No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
try to milk me bitch
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
