I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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