forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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