i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
