Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
