omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
