I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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