Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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