Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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