The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
