when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
