I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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