Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
