He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
